april 1992

In the sheets
my feet and leg wrapped tight around them

Staring at ceiling, counting car lights that pass
Hopeful for you to drive by, slowly, pull near to the fence
Turn off the car, slide back your seat
Open your window, your ears, your heart
Feel the breeze and me within it

I imagine your cold hand on my face
How you bite at your bottom lip
What it feels like when your palm puts pressure on my forehead
and you ask me if it is okay you are here

Holding on to the sheets I make room for you on the bed
Can taste beauty in your kiss
You hold me close to you, my nightgown twisted up around my hips
your hand like an envelope around mine.

I hear the porch light go off and the door lock
I heard that they sold your car today
to pay for the funeral and the arrangements
I wrap tighter into my bed
Hopeful my breath will catch in the night
and you will take me with both hands
and pull me into you.